I knew that October was going to be a rough month for me…. As
of today, October 15th, I am officially 9 months pregnant- 36 weeks!
I knew that it was going to be rough to be this pregnant, starting maternity
leave, anticipation of labor, eagerness for Poppy to be here… but it also was
going to be rough for more personal reasons. As many of you know I had a miscarriage
last October, October 29th to be exact. It’s a lot harder
emotionally being pregnant the 2nd time... instead of optimism and
joy there was a lot of fear along the way… and each milestone has made it a
little bit easier but also a little bittersweet at the same time. You can never truly get over the heartbreak
of a miscarriage, but every moment (and every movement!) with my little Poppy
is something I treasure… and we sure have had a lot of moments these last 9
months.
We made it through the truly petrifying 1st trimester.
Through the morning sickness (ALL DAY LONG), the genetic screening tests, and
scary doctors appointments. We made it
through the 2nd Trimester with the insane weight gain, back
problems, exhaustion and indigestion. And now that we are almost done with the
3rd trimester we’ve made it through sciatica, and hip pain, breech
scares, and high blood pressure. We’ve
set up the nursery and taken our classes. We’ve had 3 Baby showers and have
been showered with so much love from friends and family. All the clothes are
washed, folded and organized all ready for my little man. Our bags are packed
for the hospital and we’ve been given the go ahead from the doctor that if I go
into labor then we can just wait till we are ready and head to the hospital…
Through all of these, Poppy and I have had a little angel looking out for us-
my little Bug. Being pregnant after a miscarriage is miraculous, petrifying,
emotional, panic inducing and simply amazing.
When October 29th
rolls around I will say two little prayers- one for my little one that isn’t
with us, and one in gratitude my little one that will be here any day now.
Every day I fall more in love with the little man growing inside me, I know in
my heart he is exactly who I was supposed to have. I also know that without my
previous tragedy I wouldn’t have this amazing little stubborn boy who is
already a little energetic ball of fun! Sometimes life doesn’t give you
everything you ask for, but I’m finding that in its odd way it does give you
everything you have ever wanted…
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